Wellness, Anxiety, Psychosis
(and a little bit of travel)
"remember spring swaps snow for leaves"
I can tell you straight off the bat that there is no right or wrong answer. It depends on a few things. Take me for example, I am happy to describe myself when I was unwell as crazy, it’s accurately descriptive. 2001 – 2010 I had cannabis induced psychosis with delusions of a grandiose nature, so crazy I was. Since about 2005 I would joke about it all, even when it was a serious situation and I was unhappy. I have my brothers to thank for initiating the humour aspect, it was them who continued to joke with me about things when I was unwell. Brothers have that sibling bond that involves joking around, and when they did, it showed that even though I had a mental illness, they still saw me as a person with a sense of humour.
When I first started working for the Basingstoke Sports Centre in April 2012 in the maintenance and cleaning department there were a few things about the job that I was to benefit from. I got to work in a thriving, friendly and healthy environment where there was always something interesting happening. The Basingstoke Sports Centre is a large place with seven floors of sports and fitness activities and there is something different to do each day, in various parts of the building. I have enjoyed interacting with staff, members and other customers while going about my work and I enjoy the dynamic - whether it’s talking to older customers as they have their coffee meet ups in the cafe, the toddlers having their first swimming lessons or the gym goers pumping iron whose motivation and dedication Is impressive.
A quick word about what being "sectioned" is and the first time i escaped from parklands mental hospital
I was first hospitalised at Parklands Mental Hospital in December 2001. My diagnosis of "cannabis induced psychosis with delusions of a grandiose nature" made for many interesting experiences, especially at the very beginning of my illness. Lots of real ups and downs. I've written at length about in my book but for today's post it's a brief view of being sectioned, how I felt about it and the first time I escaped, or "absconded" to use the official term that my supportive team would end up using a few times. Click on read more to read more.
Just a quick post today.
I went to the dentist to have my poor teeth looked at. It seemed a little unfair to be having such mysterious pain in them, I take care of them well. The dentist was helpful, she took an X-Ray and identified a slight fissure and I've booked in to have a filling, but apart from that she said they looked well, with no sign of acid erosion, so the pain throughout most of my left side doesn't make much sense.
She gave me a temporary fluoride barrier which has helped a bit for the sensitivity and I also bought some codeine which I think is doing a good job. I feel better from the simple action of seeing the dentist too.
I always felt better about my mental health after the simple action of seeing my psychiatrist.
And when my back was playing up in a minor way five years ago, I swear after the doctor felt my spine and poked around a bit, it cleared right up and I haven't had problems since.
It seems that for me when I am feeling under par, I just need to form a plan of action and do something about it, and the process helps. If you are having 'unsatisfactoryness' with parts of your body or mind, just do something, anything, about it.
See your GP or whatever and you might be surprised how talking about it and persevering with a plan to help yourself can be helpful.
I've been busy.
Networking with people about mental health, looking for local gatherings where I can learn more about recovering from mental illness and possible avenues to contribute for the eventual publishing of my book. It's early days but I'm so happy to be at this stage after spending so long writing the 'damn thing'.
I have been asked by the Taylor and Francis Psychosis Journal to write a 3500 word first person account of my experiences, focussing on how I became unwell (psychotic) and things that hindered or helped my recovery. I've done 1400 words today and it's flowing nicely.
I never find it difficult to begin writing something, I can usually find the words. It is so often felt that mental illness isn't talked about enough because of the stigma etc. and that it can be embarrassing. I always want to add to that and say it is also because the words are just so hard to find! I have found again and again that the reason I can talk about it so much is because I have written my story and I can find all the words.
I have also learned not to be embarrassed, and talking is very very helpful. I sometimes have to stop myself talking about it - it fascinates me, but most people are simply not as interested in my journey through mental health as I am!